The Single Most Disgusting Thing That Has Ever Happened to Me in My Life

Following through the first phase of my morning hygiene routine, which is very regimented so I contain specific germs, I brush my teeth and tongue (ever important, as that's where most plaque can remain if neglected). I rinse out my brush, and notice something tucked in the very base of the bristles. It's dark brown, and about the size of a seed, so I immediately assume it's something out of my muesli that got stuck in the brush. On closer inspection, I realise it the MOTHERFUCKING BODY OF A COCKROACH. A tiny cockroach, no bigger than 3mm, but one that is in the object I clean my mouth with. MY MOUTH. ROACH.

ASNDJHSAKDAJKLSDHJKAS!

I stick feel like puking.

Hungry and Poor

I will make all the basic ingredients I have into bland food because I have 90 cents in the world and the miserable weather makes me want to carbo-load.

WHO IZ YOU?!

Just because I have a bullshit-detector and standards doesn't make me a man-hater. I will respect men and women if they deserve it.