KILL IT WITH FIRE

Tuesday 25th of May can go fuck itself.
Horrible misfortunes in the order in which they occurred:
- Early alarm so that I can work on a resubmission for an essay, due 1pm.
- After the alarm rings the phone starts giving inconvenient messages like it has a virus.
I turn it off, pull the whole thing apart.
- Turn the phone back on to find that certain buttons no longer work.
- COCKROACH. OMG what do you want from me, I don't even eat or drink in my room anymore GET OUT YOU HORRID PESTS
- It is winter outside. Fortunately it is not raining as I walk to the library but my jeans sponge up the wet ground so I carry the cold and wet with me.
- Open up this assignment, dude comes over to chat me up while I am obviously working on my laptop in a library, SERIOUSLY GO AWAY I DON'T LIKE HUMANS TODAY DO NOT DISTRACT ME. Also, coming to the library to read the free local paper is lame. Get an actual book, you toolkit. I do not want to have sex with you.
- I can't rewrite this essay because the words are swirling around making no sense. I will fail this paper.
FAIL FAIL FAIL

Preparedness

I would feel like a paranoid safety nerd for putting aside emergency supplies like canned food and bottled water in case of a flood or earthquake, things which happen fairly often in New Zealand.
And yet I like to take note of where all the aerosol cans are in the house, so that in the event of a zombie-apocalypse I can quickly access homemade flamethrowers.

For Josh Homme

...whose criticism of bloggers was, "Nobody fucking cares what you had for breakfast."

Toasted Chocolate Sandwich
(serves one future diabetic)
- Two pieces of toastable bread (I used Budget White Toast bread, as I refuse to pay more than $1.50 for this boring staple, allowing me more money for coffee and chocolate)
- Chocolate (Use your judgement - whatever amount fits between the two pieces of toast and stops you from feeling hungry)

Method: Toast bread. Chop chocolate finely. Tip on to bread. SANDWICH.

Let's review: Toast. Chocolate. Sandwich.
Breakfast of Champions.

PS. Josh Homme you are still the most sexable ginger man. I don't care if you hate blogs, you seeexxx...